Friday, October 06, 2006

Brooklyn Week in Review

For the Week of 02 October, 2006:

The first week of October was one in which we were reminded about some of the crime and mayhem in our midst. What else can you say about a psycho taking hostages on Smith Street and being gunned down in front of the store you sometimes pop into for groceries, across from an ATM you use? One of the victims advised us to "run like hell" if you sense other people fleeing something. Crime isn't the only way to go, because you could be like this poor guy, justing hanging out in your neighborhood spot on Boerum Hill and get flattened by a van.

Of course, if you own a Honda Civic in Park Slope, you could end up running everywhere because they're being stolen left and right. And, if you go for a walk in the Slope or Windsor Terrace, beware the muggers and robbers. If you're a photoblogger, though, you might just knee the mugger in the balls and go on your way.

On the other hand, if you are a drunk that (legend has it) starts an epic conflagration that nearly burns down Greenpoint, you could end up with a judge that feels sorry for you and thinks about sentencing you to reading the Bible and going to rehab.

Thank God, we now have the ability to see all of the breaking mayhem in Brooklyn plotted out on a map.

On the nature and animals front, we were horrified to learn that some lowlifes are poaching Brooklyn's flocks of wild Monk Parrots. Meanwhile, in Queens, the MTA is zapping pigeons to keep them from shitting on people. We're a little ambivalent about this, being equally opposed to being shit on and jolting birds with electricity. Does it matter, though, when all of Brooklyn may be eaten away by corrosive dog piss? In better animal news, it turns out there are tons of hens and roosters in Red Hook. And, in semi-better news, Brooklyn's squirrels are the bomb.

We're amused to note that we weren't the only ones to find Gov. Pataki's rejection of using eminent domain for the right-of-way for power lines that would run from upstate New York to the city was oozing with irony--apparently, eminent domain may be a no-no for electricity, but it's just ducky for Atlantic Yards. Problems pointed out by comments on the Draft Environmental Impact Statement are starting to pile up too, and they're not pretty, even tough none of it may matter because ESDC Chairman Charles Gargano says, "We cannot stop progress." Meantime, it looks like it may be "no more Mr. Nice Guy time" in trying to get property in the project footprint and another Atlantic Yards flyer started showing up in the mail, and this one actually showed a building more than four stories tall. Our inner cynic was able to dine with gusto on Vince Carter's appearance at a grade school, complete with usual athlete bromides for the kids about how education is good.

We conclude the week in chicken-friendly Red Hook, where Ikea's spokesperson pretty much said 'bite me' to supporters of preserving the Graving Dock on its property, and that traffic study that has to be done before any stop signs or traffic lights are installed on Van Brunt Street is finally underway.

Meantime, definitely look both ways before crossing the street, because we know for a fact that it's brutal out there.

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