Sunday, July 29, 2007

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craiglist: I'm the Dude with Two, You Know...

For this week's Brooklyn Missed Connection we offer up this tale that we know is a fabrication, yet stands out for its desperate attention-getting qualities. It rings a bell too, so we may be onto a serial Missed Connection poster. Regardless, it amuses. In its bizarre way:
I was the man who was born with two penises at Pete's Candy Store - 29

You were the nice woman at the bar with whom I was speaking about my problem. As I told you, it is rare, but it happens. Doctors have wanted to remove "it" (I sometimes call penis no. 2 "Herrmann") many times over, but first my parents and then I refused. After all, a penis is not a mere wisdom tooth, and both of mine are fully endervated and functioning. There would be urological complications in getting rid of one, plus I fear the "phantom limb" effect. I am otherwise a normal man - I work for Fox and am good at what I do; women wonder why I am not seeing anyone and want to date me. But I find it hard to ask a woman out because of my two penises. I know that if I date someone at work, she will tell others, and they will tell others, and so on and so on. The end result will be that people will stare at me as though I were some freak. A man in my position cannot afford to be looked at in that way, so I felt that maybe I could open up to someone at a bar in Williamsburg, which is where all the artists types really live, rather than attempt to date someone at work or through church socials or MySpace.

Alas! I got shy and failed to tell you all of this, which I should have, since I'm afraid you looked at me like some sort of a freak. In fact, I am normal in my wants, which include being with a nice girl who can teach me things and not laugh at my two penises. I want to be coupled. I'm not looking for a freaky woman - just a nice normal girl, and you seemed like a possibility. If you are the one who met me, you know it. Or you told a gf who is reading this and remembers her friend's story. Please write back. I want a second chance to start things. Remember, what they say is true: two heads are better than one.

Interesting Missed Connection Factoid: This week the Siren Festival generated 22 missed connections. Alas, they were all very run of the mill. Nonetheless, it seems Siren produced more posted Missed Connections than the Mermaid Parade, which is interesting.



Blogger Miss Heather said...

So he has one below the belt and one between the shoulders? BIG DEAL.

10:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Using "Missed Connections" to post a self-consciously weird ad in the hopes of someone responding to praise your brilliant sense of humor and ask you out for coffee is sooo 2003!

1:40 AM  

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