Disconnected on Craigslist: Who Put the Dead Bird in My Mailbox?

This is not the standard Missed Connection, that much is clear, but in perusing the listings for our weekly Sunday Craiglist Missed Connection we came across this interesting specimen from Crown Heights. We don't know what it, but do know it's worth featuring:

who put the dead bird in my mailbox? - w4m - 27 (crown heights)
a) how did you get into my mailbox in the first place, it is locked
b) did you kill the bird
c) it died horribly, that much was clear
d) you're psycho
e) do I know you
f) if I do know you I don't want to know you
g) if I don't know you, what did I do to inspire you to put a dead bird in my mailbox
h) I don't know how to disinfect a mailbox from a dead bird, I'm worried about diseases and have used five different kinds of cleaner but still feel like the bird's still in there still and like my bills and my catalogues and my coupons have dead bird on them
i) it was a hummingbird, I looked it up - they don't even live in New York - this is so f*ing psycho, I can't believe this
j) are you the mailman?
k) I'm always nice to the mailman
l) the super didn't care when I told him what happened
m) the neighbors didn't care either
n) do you have some kind of problem with birds
o) don't put anything else in my mailbox
p) unless it's an apology
q) no, I take that back, I don't even want an apology
r) what am I supposed to do with this bird - it's in bubblewrap in a bag in a shoebox in the freezer right now - am I supposed to bury it - where? how? in a construction site where they've jackhammered through the concrete - where is a person supposed to bury things in this city?
s) I could drop it in the Gowanus canal, but that seems undignified
t) I could drop it in the ocean, but the ocean is so big and it is such a small bird
u) I could drop it in the toilet but it would probably get stuck
v) I hear this whirring around my ears every time I go to the mailbox and I'm pretty sure it's ghost bird, and I'm all "it wasn't me that killed you, bird!" but still the whirring doesn't go away until I get to the stairwell
w) am I supposed to eat it - maybe you were trying to feed me - don't you know I'm a vegetarian
x) if this was Ricky, I'm gonna beat your ass, mama told you stop bothering the zoo
y) if this was Gina, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, how many times I gotta say I'm sorry
z) I could drop it off the roof, maybe it will reincarnate while falling and I can start reading my mail again

There is is.

Disconnected on Craigslist: Hot Dude in Tight Pants on the L

Yes, it's Sunday and that means it is time to return to that ocean full of ships passing in the night known as the Craigslist Brooklyn Missed Connections. The instant we saw this entry, we know what we had to do:

Hot Dude on the L train - w4m - 25 (L Train)
this morning around 10 o'clock you and I were on the L train together. You had on pants that were so tight I could see your panty-line. a little gross, but totally hot. you're hoodie had the best silkscreen i've seen all year. you were looking all around at all the hot girls in their spring getup, but you didn't seem to notice me. i was standing right across from you leaning against the door. i have dyed black hair and i wear all black all the time. some people call me goth, but they don't understand the pain i feel INSIDE. do you feel my pain? i felt yours, your pants were tight, i know that can be painful. if you don't e-mail me back i'm going to cry forever. I LOVE YOU TIGHT PANTS.

Inner Goth pain vs. tight pants pain. One comes from the soul. The other comes from the...crotch region. Which is more compelling?

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: Sunday Grand Slam

When it rains it pours and, this week, it's a Craigslist Sunday Brooklyn Missed Connections monsoon. There is so much weird and juicy goodness that we simply couldn't decide, so we're presenting all our top choices:

1)To the gentleman with the small penis that I brought home - w4m - 21 (Williamsburg)
Let me begin by saying I couldn't even cup it in my hand. It was so small that I confused it with my pinky finger. We met on the dance floor and you had a high pitched voice. I was really drunk, you were looking to get laid. I told myself I wouldn't do this anymore, but I brought you home. I was just curious as to when you left? You said you were going to the bathroom and then you never came back. It really doesn't matter, because I passed out and forgot it all ever happened until this morning when I awoke to find something of yours on the floor. If you see this you left your boxers.

2) To all the hipsters who read Camus - w4m
Get over it. It's so cliche. And you're not even reading the book because you're too busy looking around at other people to see if they're looking at you. And get rid of those big glasses. Duh.

3) wednesday night - we scraped the drunk girl off the sidewalk - m4w - 34 (greenpoint)
it was me and my friend and you were with a guy and we all were trying to wake the girl sleeping on the sidewalk and once we did she flew into a rage and started howling like a banshee and pinching everyone's cheeks. did she make it home okay?

4) your silver streak made me very pepé le pew... - m4w (L train)
standing next to you on the L train this morning, i was amused by, and very attracted to, your skunk-like silver streak of hair. you had me feeling very pepé le pew... alas, i read my newspaper and said nothing. i need a chance to be your skunk.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: I Jumped on the Tracks

Ah, Sunday, the day we turn to our Craigslist Brooklyn Missed Connection. Once again, the Missed Connections take us to the subway as they so often do, but this one is not like the other MC's about passing glances traded from seats on the train or on the platform:

Thurs your phone flew on to the tracks at the 25th st R station - m4w - 32 (Brooklyn)

Hey there,

I'm the guys who jumped down to grab your phone for you. I didn't think to chat with you at the time only because it seemed, for whatever reason, like I would have been trying to take advantage of the situation. Well, I hope you see this. I'd love to chat with you over a cup of coffee or tea sometime if you're ever up for it.

Please email the guy.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist Bonus: It (Could Have) Happened on the D

We have no idea what this is (other than short fiction), but we came across it and we liked it, so here it is:

It all happened on the Queens bound D - m4w (Bay Ridge)

It all happened on the Queens bound D. She was searching for a minimally invasive emotional relationship and he had Jerry Orbach's eyes. Literally. Jerry was an eye donor when he died and as a result saved two people from blindness. This guy was one of them. The other, well the other doesn't matter to this story. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start from the very, very beginning.

I guess it all started in Maui. Used to spend the weekends there. Right off La Perouse Bay. And I really got into it. I even had a giant mural of Queen Liliuokalani hanging over my California King. I'd had a late night with some friends and my head was throbbing like a digital clock yet to be set blinks 12:00. I was up until the sun rose talking over macadamia nuts, papaya and a whole case of Taittinger rose champagne and now I had the headache to match. Now my better half was up making coffee and I was trying to make out what record she was blasting in the living room. I was on the second floor and it was muffled but it sounded like Motown and the coffee smelled like home, like Brooklyn. Temptations maybe? I could only really make out the bass and the drums from upstairs. Martha and the Vandellas perhaps? I knew it was something classic. Something iconic. I heard that famous Holland-Dozier-Holland rhythm. Gladys Knight? The Marvelettes?! A-ha! It was The Supremes, "My World Is Empty Without You"! Of course! We both loved this tune. I'd even gone fishing once with a few of the remaining The Funk Brothers up in Woodstock. I knew if baby was playing this song it meant I had to get out of bed and go downstairs to be with her. She had gone to sleep long before I did the night before. I stayed up late smoking R & J Hill's with the locals. She probably wanted to know what had happened to the case of Taittinger.

Back home I'd instructed our cleaning lady, Vienna, to line the birdcages with whatever newspapers came over the weekend; Financial Times, The Journal, The Times, The Observer, whatever. I liked the idea of our two budgies shitting on the Financial Times while we were in Maui. It just felt right. Vienna was good. She had the keys to everything and her own debit card linked to my account in case of emergencies. We trusted Vienna with our world. So when the phone rang in Maui I knew it was bad. "Honey", she said in that sugary voice, "Vienna is on the phone. She sounds confused". I didn't even know we had a phone in the Maui house. I'd never heard it ring. We had two red Dobermann's as doorbells and that’s all we really needed.

"Hello, Vienna. What's up?", I didn't give her the Hollywood "this had better be good", because I knew it was. Vienna would never call otherwise.

And that's when it all came crashing.

We await the next installment.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: Cortez the Killer?

We often eschew the stranger postings on the festival of passing ships known as Craigslist Missed Connections, yet there was something compellingly weird about this one. It's not a "missed" connection per se so much as it seems to be a connection that went awry:

Vasiliki: HE CAME DANCING ACROSS THE WATER, CORTEZ, CORTEZ..... - m4w - 36

I know that we barely knew each other and my intensity was not appropriate. But months later, I still can't forget you. That car we drove around in has since been totalled ... but I survived and I remain in Williamsburg. Thank you so much for reminding me of "Cortez the Killer". A song which documents the moment when our innate yearnings, ambitions and potential were compromised by an ill-timed meeting between an evolved civilization and an un-evolved yet dangerous destroyer of spiritual progress. I behaved much like Cortez by creating an argument after we had an inspiring night of intense conversation thanks to your progressive ideas and instincts... but like the narrator of the tale states "I still can't remember when and how I lost my way" and I decided to find out where I am. Our encounter inspired me to address introspection as opposed to self-rejection. It alerted me to what I really want as opposed to what our entire society, complicit in its own demise (yet unaware of why), has become. I still enjoy our mistress but I don't enjoy being irrational and heartless. I would follow you into Hell and would never let another man hurt you ever again. I hope you live forever...thank you!..Doc

Get out those Neil Young MP3s.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: I Got You Busted

We've picked to items for our weekly Brooklyn Craigslist Missed Connection. They are oddly related in a first or second cousins kind of way. One involves an odd arrest at the Jay Street station and the other has as its focus a kumquat thief at Union Market in Park Slope:

You got arrested Jay St F train for helping me 1:45 am - w4m

I hope you are OK I am really sorry I just don't understand the cops. I never figured the doors closing on you would qualify for an arrest, I tried to fix it and explain to them that you were just helping me find the right train, I'm sorry, really truly sorry. Guess thats what you get for being a nice person, its pretty unbelievable, guess i won't dare ask anyone for directions again.

We also like the kumquat thief:

Union Market near the kumquats - w4m - 27

You were pocketing kumquats from the little cartons, and I was not-so-subtly having a dinner of olive samples, but I didn't report you because I have a criminal record myself and know the system is against people like us. What's a little petty crime? It's all culinary, baby.

The guy got arrested for getting stuck in the door?

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: You Were Going on Kent Avenue

It's Sunday, which means it's time for our weekly Brooklyn Missed Connection. We don't the guy that posted today's selection is actually seeking the female in question, but one never knows what can come of such situations:

Peeing on the street S 1st and Kent - m4w - 30

As I turned into S1 and Kent on Thursday night, I saw you with a friend urinating on the street it was a very awkward situation and didn’t know how to react I am sure you and your friend were extremely uncomfortable, I am sorry about the way I reacted for I’m sure you had no choice and I was totally lost.

Okay.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: I Was the S&M Keynote Speaker

Oh, Sunday Brookyn Craigslist Missed Connections, we do love you sometimes. We will say nothing about this weeks selection, except to present it:

Attendees from impromptu seminar on S&M held by 7 min mile runner - w4m - 28

Searching for attendees of an impromptu seminar that took place last Saturday March 1 in bed-stuy. Saw some of you at the meet and greet/surprise party that took place beforehand. I was the keynote speaker on S&M. Unfortunately I left before some of the attendees were able to sign my guestbook and provide me with their contact information. I apologize if anyone was trying to catch up with me, considering I run a 7 minute mile on tempo runs. Only one of you will remember this ... I wasn't accidentally touching your leg! Prove to me you were there, by telling me what decoration/image adorned the cake.

Superb.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist Bonus: Staring on the L Train

We know that we've had a lot of Sunday Missed Connections material from the L Train recently, but we couldn't pass up this string of posts about "why guys just stare on the L train." It started with this:

why do guys just stare on the L train? - w4m

i don't get it. why do dudes just stare? do you expect us chics to look at you back and smile? it's creepy. if you want to say something, say something. it doesn't have to be like "hey, i want you." be creative. you live off the L.

Here are some of the responses:

They're looking for girls who are literate enough to know the difference between chick and chic. You're out of luck.

This:

Ooooohh you told her! It was obviously a typo. But I think more than that she struck a chord with a guy who has an axe to grind about his lack of success with his lecherous ogling on the L train. I mean come on you sound spurned by a woman you don't know, the irony may be that you are the person being referenced, take her advice maybe it will work out for you, someday. Not like she said she hates men. And who likes to be awkwardly objectified in public anyway?

This:

It's called window shopping. If you don't like it put a bag over your head.

And, finally, this:

You ACTUALLY said: "I'm very good looking and she obviously just wanted to look at me... maybe see if I would make a move... to make her feel young and wanted..."

Oh my, you are probably the most egotistical guy I have heard on the missed connections (i apologize to the rest of you true romantics out there that aren't looking for fame here but some sort of love), man you are laughable. especially the "make her feel young" part, your approach is the type i would expect from any douchebag in a bar and when denied advances chalks it up to it being her issue and age because dammit I'm hot who wouldn't want a piece of this man sandwich. Well it seems not her, bad example. "are you single" bad opener.

Also for the record in case you are unaware of the inequalities between men and women, women get "stared at" in a very different way than you described, touched, brushed, grabbed at, etc etc everyday so why make the moot point and bring up the differences between your personal experience as one man and "stared at" due to your undeniable "hotness" VS the daily experience of a woman and being stared at. really? i dare you to post your picture so we can weigh in and objectify you here.

And that's it for this week from the L Train.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: Drunks, Dialectics & Lust on the L

For our Sunday Brooklyn Missed Connection this week, we again turn our attention to the L Train, starting with the dude who was passed out and could have ended up in (gasp) Canarsie:

To the Girl Who Woke Me Up on the L Train - m4w
It was close to 5 in the morning when you nudged me awake. The first thought to come to me as my eyes broke open to a flood of light with your face peering down on me was "an angel." My next thought was "this isn't my stop." I think we were at the Montrose or Morgan Avenue stop. You asked me if I was alright or something of that variation. I guess I was slouched forward with my head down, a typical drunk pose. I don't know what transpired or inspired you to wake me, but I just wanted to thank you. I would have been upset if I found myself in Canarsie again. Thank you!

We move on to the Marxism-related MC:

"Absolute collapse is still the goal of a totalizing ideology" - m4w - 24
Typical story: Wanted to say something but didn't. "Nice eyes" would have been creepo and "So you're reading about marxist theory" might have been worse. I wore black. I've never posted anything before but you had the biggest, gorgeousest eyes i might have ever seen. May the stars align, I guess. Hope to see you on the L again.

And end with a red coat and black "pentyhose":

Red dressed girl with black pentyhose on L train - m4w - 23
Red coat girl with black pantyhose and black hair - I got infatuated with you. That happened on the L train on Tuesday Feb 26th. We both took the train at night from 1st ave but you got out at Lorimer stop. It looked like short trip although I couldn't take my eyes off you. I was that blond guy dressed in black. So what do you think? So how about it?

Always fun on the L.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: Miles, Twilight Zone & Timothy Leary on the L

We don't know what was up on the L Train on Thursday, but clearly something was in the air. In looking for our weekly Sunday Brooklyn Craigslist Missed Connection, we found these two posts that were made with the same 24-hour time span:

Twilight zone serenade on the L train Thurs Eve - w4m - 30
I first noticed you when we were both waiting for the train at Union Sq. I was the blonde with far too many bags and I think you had something yellow on. We made eye contact accidentally but when I saw your eyes, I thought you were stunning. Stupidly I panicked and adopted the hipster code of feigned indifference.

When the Brooklyn bound train arrived, we entered doors at opposite ends of the train but somehow met in the middle. I managed to get a seat by the pole and you stood in front of me. We both had books. Mine was the Subtle Knife part of a young adult Sci-fi series and yours was some serious looking fiction. I was too embarrassed to really look because you were inches away from me. Suddenly the train was full of sounds from the street musician. The mood changed...Miles Davis, twilight zone, then space talk. It was all very entertaining but not enough to distract me from your presence. I got off at Lorimer. You took my seat. Too bad I'm a shy girl. I didn't say a word. Hope to see you again.

And, then, there's this one:

L train 12:30 reading Your Brain is God--timothy leary! - w4m - 30
well, sure, you were cute--and the soul patch works, though i'm not sure flavor saver is appropriate so soon, though that would be just like me.

what i really want to share with you is that you seem like the perfect person to recommend one of the greatest kids' books to. have you ever read how to be a perfect person in three days? google has the book online, incidentally. my copy had a purple cover with a boy proudly touting a head of broccoli...and the cover of your book reminded me so much of it without being an ounce like it: it must deliver more perfection than perfection itself.

so, after all this babbling, if you're interested in getting to know the blonde (hah!) who wanted desperately to strike up that conversation but didn't have the confidence in her voice...get into my head. my brain is, after all, god--like you said.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: You Almost Killed Me, But You're Hot

When a man notices a woman, it doesn't matter that she almost ran him down when fleeing a bar. Attraction is attraction. The evidence is right here in our Brooklyn Missed Connection of the week, which comes to us from Bay Ridge:

You almost ran me over!!! - m4w - 38

I noticed you last night, I was sitting a couple of tables down from you with my friends...you were the prettiest girl at the bar, too bad your friends got you angry and you stormed out. I came out to talk and perhaps buy you a drink, but you ran to your SUV and drove off, almost running me over. Your night was ruined, I felt so mad, what an injustice to a beautiful brunette!!! I'm 5'8" Dark Hair/ Dark Eyes half Italian / Half Brazilian, perhaps you noticed me too.. I know I can make you forget about whatever got you angry. Please tell me which Bar it was, so I'll know its you. Ciao Bella, and I hope you have a happier Valentine's Day!!!

The near miss vehicular homicide clearly wasn't directed at the poster, so maybe he does have a chance with her, as long as uses mass transit on the first date.

Bklink: Missed Connection PSA

"I am looking for a woman who marched in the Mermaid Parade in 2007. White, early-mid thirties, light brown hair, VERY PREGNANT. She'd painted her belly to look like the planet Earth. My friend took a gorgeous picture of her and I am DYING to use it for a photo/visual art project I'm producing, but need her permission. My friend said the baby's due date was July 10th. If you think you might know where I can find her, please email me. Leads leading to my finding and securing permission of photo use will receive full astrology chart AND a tarot reading--plus beer."--Craigslist

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: Vortex of Lust in Aisle 3

Our Sunday Brooklyn Missed Connection this week isn't so much about a Missed Connection as it is about wanting to make a connection at the Steve's C-Town on Ninth Street in Park Slope. Here it is:

all the sexual tension at C town - m4w - 36
is it me, or does everyone who shops at c town want to get laid? i was shopping there earlier today and it resembled a fellini movie. anyone feel similarly? I'd gladly take the brunette with the stroller in aisle 3. Cheers.

This was one of the followups:

I have noticed that as well. I am going for groceries and suddenly want to make out with the guy with the fig newmans and beer in his red basket. It is a vortex, no kidding! Maybe I'll see you there...I am the curvy brunette with green eyes and half and half in my little red basket!

Not as good as the Park Slope Food Coop, but tantalizing, nonetheless.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: You Stole My Coat / You Turned in My Clutch

Talk about Yin and Yang. We found two Brooklyn Missed Connection ads that were posted yesterday that are very different sides of the same coin. One is to someone that stole someone's coat at Union Pool in Williamsburg. The other is to someone that turned in someone's clutch at Union Pool in Williamsburg. First, the theft:

To the guy whole stole my coat last night at Union Pool... - w4m
I even saw you do it... you walked out wearing my dark green coat, and I think I even stopped you for a minute. But, I am naive and thought "no guy would steal my coat". Anyway, I'm sure stealing my coat was hilarious to you, and I enjoyed walking home in the cold, but I'd really really like it back. It was a gift from my parents and it keeps me warm outside. If I could get it back I'd be very appreciative and would not be mad at all. Thanks.

To recap: the dude stole a woman's coat and she's not pissed. Now, on to a very different posting:

the "handsome man" who turned in my clutch at Union Pool last night - 25
That's what the bartender said, anyway. I asked her to point you out so I could thank you in person but she couldn't find you. So, thank you so much. I was out celebrating turning in a very big project and got so drunk I must have left in the bathroom. I was halfway home before I realized I didn't have it and ran back, not expecting it to still be there (especially considering there was a brand new PDA in there). Anyway, thanks for reminding me that the world is not full of assholes. May your good karma follow you. Thanks again, Emily

Stealing & turning something in. Bad karma & good karma. Two ads, two hours apart.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: Lost & Found

This week's Sunday Brooklyn Missed Connection is more of a lost & found item than a missed connection in the strictest sense, but there's something about it that appealed to us, typos and all:

throwing stuff off of bridges

i was wondering aroudn NYC. i am a traveling kid that was exporing williamsburg area. and i wondered in between two wharehouses to the water side and found some crazy stuff.
this bundle of jewlery being the only realy interesting thing that is worth questioningl. did you throw me away? it got me currious. why did you throw it away?
i don't know...i don't think that you are looking for these. but if you are i found them. if these are yours tell me about them. what made you do it. and do you want them back? most of them are with me in ohio, some of them are in brooklyn with friends. but let me know...

After all the comments people leave here and there about how people "should go back to Ohio," we finally have someone that actually went back to Ohio.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: Deja Vu All Over Again

We return to that hot spot of lust and organic products, if not Brooklyn Missed Connections--the Park Slope Food Coop--for this week's top choice, which amuses in a subtle way:

Park Slope Food Coop - Wed - Coconut- milk-buying Nursing Student - w4m - 30

Maybe a minute or so into our conversation (I was scanning your soup ingredients), I realized I'd had that particular conversation before. Did you realize that we met sometime early last year, albeit briefly, in a bar in the South Slope? You forced your number on me although I was there with a couple of guy friends. It was pretty brazen of you, so I called, we spoke, and that was that. Anyway, you're a lot cuter than I remembered you being in a dimly lit bar, and I was too dazed from a long day of classes to play the "I know you somehow" game, sooo...if you would like to swap short biographical sketches with me a third time, get in touch.

Definitely meant to be.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: You Dodged & I Missed

Recently, we had a bocce-related Sunday Brooklyn CL Missed Connection. Today, we have a dodgeball-related one:

Missed connection with your head in dodgeball
Threw a dodgeball at you at Thursday night's game and it narrowly missed your head. Felt bad about it so i bought you a beer. Are you going to play in the Williamsburg ZogSports league? i'd like the chance to go up against you again.

Remember to duck.

Disconnected in Brooklyn on Craigslist: From New Year's Eve

There are many Brooklyn Missed Connections that happened on New Year's Eve, which may be one of the most biggest annual missed connections days of them all. There are 29 Brooklyn Missed Connections on Craigslist that mention New Year's and 14 that say NYE. Here are two, from Williamsburg and Greenpoint, that we think go together in an odd sort of way:

where are you, anaesthesiologist from switzerland? - w4m - 37

after ringing in the new year, i met you on the roof outside chris and abby's loft near the williamsburg bridge. you felt strongly about Freud's neurobiological work in his early career. you were wearing a very battered straw hat for reasons i never discerned. you shamelessly shared your last cigarettes with me, and kissed me after you told me your birthday. i remember your birthday and your name, but can't for the life of me figure out how to continue our discussion. none of my friends at the party seemed to know you or how to get in touch with you. if you're out there and would like to talk more about memory, neurosciences, astrology or anything else that comes up, there's a redhead in brooklyn who would like to speak with you.

I fell asleep on your couch, you asked me to leave... - m4w - 32

We met at CoCo 66 New Years morn. You joined me in a duet of "Need you Tonight" by INXS. We went back to your place off Calyer where I proceeded to doze off on your couch. You told me I had to go. How embarassing! My apologies, had been a long evening. Wanna try this again Miss E? How was your sandwich?

There are many other interesting ones as well.