Attack of the Park Slope-Like Toe Head Hordes in Carroll Gardens

So, the Clean Plate Club, which we track as part of our effort to keep up with Brooklyn food news, ran a hysterical post about the new Tea Lounge on Court Street. While we realize that "Tea Lounge" itself is enough to set the hands of some people shaking, we had found it somewhat less stroller infested than its Park Slope parents. (But that was on a weekend.) In any case, CPC spends time at the Tea Lounge, finds a baby changing space, etc. Then, a singer shows up, strollers flood the place and hilarity ensues:

Oh Jesus, adult-contemporary coffee house folk, I thought to myself. Shoot me. If only I’d been so lucky. A mom pushing a stroller then walked through the door. A minute later, another. And another. Before long, there must have been 25 strollers in the place, with an equal number of mothers. I was trapped! There was seriously no way to get out. A brick wall of breasts, jeans and MacLaren strollers. And then the fucking Mr. Rogers dude started to sing. And with him every mom in the place.

Sensitive folk singer guy with mom choir: “The tires on the bus go round, round, round. Round, round, round. Round, round, round.”

This was the worst day of my life. The decibel level was far beyond what I previously thought a bunch of singing moms could reach – it was like seeing The Who in the early 70s or something. And to make matters worse, half way through the song, all the moms started making their babies dance. Tiny, chubby arms swaying all over the place. Rhythmic knee bouncing like it was nobody’s business. And despite this great effort on the part of the moms, all the babies looked miserable. I don’t think a single one of them felt like dancing.

And then the second song hit. A slowed-down, sing-along version of “The Tide is High.” Immediately, all the Brooklyn-moms became nostalgic for their younger, hipper days, when they did drugs and listened to Blondie. The place erupted once again with song. And I got the hell out of there. Tripping over strollers and babies alike, I stumbled my way to the door, vowing never to return to the Tea Lounge on a Tuesday morning.

Disclaimer: CPC would like to make it known that at any time other than Tuesday morning, the Tea Lounge is a kick-ass establishment with good food and great coffee.

Indeed.